In the UK The average cost of dying (remains resting in quiet repose above) has soared to £7,098 this year and is expected to rise by another third over the next 5 years, according to a survey which warns that many bereaved families will struggle to cover all the expenses. The cost of a “standard” funeral in Britain has risen by 7.2% to £2,733, but additional and often “hidden” costs such as venue hire, catering and flowers can push the overall average cost much higher, research suggests. Which perhaps highlights the only good thing about snuffing it – if it’s you who’s unlucky enough to be the dear departed, you don’t give a toss how much it costs. If the expense means you’re dropping your relatives in it, you might even die happy.

And according to official figures, one of the major causes of death in the UK is booze. Doctors have demanded a complete ban on alcohol advertising and an end to the sponsorship of music and sporting events by drinks companies. The British Medical Association (BMA) claims that tough legal measures are needed to tackle the growing cost of drink-related harm and binge-drinking (example above) in Britain. Children are “groomed” from an early age by aggressive marketing to get a taste for alcohol, these experts say. In their report, “Under The Influence”, they also renew calls for a minimum price to be set per unit of alcohol, for drink to be taxed at a higher rate than inflation and for a ban on two-for-one drink offers. Calls for increased taxes – the government will just love that. As for the rest of us, it will probably drive us to drink. Until of course government policy on multi-culturalism reaches its logical conclusion and we’re all being frogmarched to the Mosque, after which the issue will become irrelevant.